Home » Introspection » The meaning of nothing in particular

The meaning of nothing in particular

Being a girl in a rather conservative South Indian household, I’m what you might call a rebel. Always done what I wanted to, made some very wise decisions and some extremely stupid ones. But just as proud as the stupid ones as well cos they’re my decisions. Atleast I didn’t let someone else make the mistakes for me.

Now, I suddenly find myself being Mama’s little girl. I’m doing a lot of things just to make my parents happy. And these are not as simple as going to the temple every friday or coming back home at 9’o clock when I’m staying with them. I’ve been surprising myself last coupla months. Is this my loneliness deciding for me? Or is it the extremely delayed feeling of guilt? I’m not able to decipher.

I’m not even sure I’m ready. I still live a very disorganised life. I live on the adrenaline rush of last minute submissions and reaching the airport half an hour before the flight takes off. I love my freedom and space and fiercely guard them. I still want to see a lot more places and do so many more crazy things. I want to travel and if possible alone. I still yearn to come back to my living space after 2 days of being at home. I want to spend money insanely on books and movies. I want my own library (nobody ever gets to borrow books though!). I want to study something just for the love of the subject. Am I ready to settle down?

Or am I not being truthful to myself? Am I doing this cos I really want to settle down?

As always, I’m confused. Once again, I’ll do what I feel is right. Only, this time around, I can’t afford to make mistakes.

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6 thoughts on “The meaning of nothing in particular

  1. Yeah ur correct ..I have seen many iyer gals of the d same backgrnd go thru dis.. Some em even party late nites and den realize that they shldnt ve come at all. and @ times confused ..the other side of it as u say staying away from home makes u feel lonely and i believe you tend to do this just to avoid loneliness.. so u neednt be confused or think its guilt.its absly perfect to njoi life to the fullest.

    Cheers
    Ram..

  2. Babe, I know what the guilt is like.. I also know that at times you have to shake that off and do what YOU think is good for you. Listen to everyone, your parents and your friends – God knows, they are all trying to tell you what they think is best – hear what they have to say, think about it, reflect , take your time..

    But make YOUR own decision. And act deliberately. Don’t let the tide carry you slowly into a place you didn’t want to go because you were too busy trying to have fun and not think about stuff that you ought to have – one way or another.

    Sometimes things are not as cut and dry as you would like them to be.. And the fact is we live everyday in shades of grey.. Such is life! But hey, we’re (I certainly am) all hoping things turn out for the best…

    Remember, not everything that is dished out to you, is the best you can get, you might want to reach out and grab for it!

    I love you loads.. Hope things get clearer soon!

  3. Live your life the way you want to…but remain committed to the people who really care for you. Life is really short and there are so many things left to be explored. Just need to strike the right balance between family and pursuing your dreams.

  4. ram–> I think you got me wrong. This post had nothing to do with going to discs. This guilt is nothing like that. It’s a tad more serious than all that.

    Sneha–> Thanks a ton babe. 🙂

    Tejas–> Thanks for dropping by!

  5. I could not hang on to the seriousness of the post because I kept looking at the photo of the guy in the post before this.
    Its soo funny…….the guy looks comical…

    on a serious note……Maybe the travel you are going to do soon….will give you the time and space you need to understand better 🙂

  6. This happened to me two years ago.
    I just suddenly felt closer to my family…

    And parents happiness is so addicting!

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