Being a girl in a rather conservative South Indian household, I’m what you might call a rebel. Always done what I wanted to, made some very wise decisions and some extremely stupid ones. But just as proud as the stupid ones as well cos they’re my decisions. Atleast I didn’t let someone else make the mistakes for me.
Now, I suddenly find myself being Mama’s little girl. I’m doing a lot of things just to make my parents happy. And these are not as simple as going to the temple every friday or coming back home at 9’o clock when I’m staying with them. I’ve been surprising myself last coupla months. Is this my loneliness deciding for me? Or is it the extremely delayed feeling of guilt? I’m not able to decipher.
I’m not even sure I’m ready. I still live a very disorganised life. I live on the adrenaline rush of last minute submissions and reaching the airport half an hour before the flight takes off. I love my freedom and space and fiercely guard them. I still want to see a lot more places and do so many more crazy things. I want to travel and if possible alone. I still yearn to come back to my living space after 2 days of being at home. I want to spend money insanely on books and movies. I want my own library (nobody ever gets to borrow books though!). I want to study something just for the love of the subject. Am I ready to settle down?
Or am I not being truthful to myself? Am I doing this cos I really want to settle down?
As always, I’m confused. Once again, I’ll do what I feel is right. Only, this time around, I can’t afford to make mistakes.